CuriousLucious

For the past (thinking)… 3 or so years since graduating from uni. I’ve worked Monday-Wednesdays with the occasional Thursday or Friday thrown in.

I love it.

At times I’ve felt like a bit of a slob maybe even a leech, but I must admit there hasn’t been much movement on my part. I work enough to get by, I have a place to live which I upkeep for my parents (I tell myself it’s almost like paying rent) and I have the rest of the working week to myself. I sew, craft, play games, read books, create, or more often than I’d like – run errands that I’d otherwise have to do on the weekend when I’d rather be relaxing and hanging out with my boyfriend. For all intents and purposes, I live the dream – 3 working days and a 5 day weekend. But recently, I’ve been feeling that none of it is enough, because well, I haven’t got anything to show for it.

I’m not sure if its,
1. that bit of guilt tinged with shame (24, living at home, don’t have a full time job, whilst non-fulltime job isn’t even interesting, exciting or inspiring)
or
2.the urge to own my own place (look  from Design Sponge, Ikea catalogue to Marie Claire lifestyle section and you’ll know what I mean)
or
3.perhaps its the travel bug that never went away  (without money, I can go nowhere, see nothing, do nothing)
or
4.really just the idea that I want to do something I’d be proud to shout from the proverbial rooftops.

Behind it all, I think there is just a ridiculously stubborn idea that I won’t give in to the pressure of society – to live my life in the clutches of money. But I’ve come to realise that not wanting to think about money lead me to thinking about money… ALL the time (from that bus ticket I just bought, to the lunch I’m going to buy, to the $10 I just spent on shipping for that Logitech Mouse I don’t really need). No matter how much I wantto fight it, I’m still a product of today’s society, and today’s society is built on economy. How do you escape?

Perhaps you dont.

It’s taken me a long time to accept this, but the way I see it, I’ve only got two options- accept it, or fight it. But instead of the passive fighting I’ve been doing – working less, wanting less, using less, doing less – I want to fight actively – to inspire action, to question the status quo and do something to remedy it.

To do all this, I need to inspire myself, to work for the things I want, even if that means clocking in from 9-5 and running errands in the precious time that I’ll have left. I’ll do the work because now I have something to work for. I accept to wager my life on personal perseverance, determination and faith in myself.

All that being said, I’m still freaking out about the full time work I’ll be starting as of mid October – has anyone ever said being inspiring was easy?